Why do I let her control me?
A question I have been asked alot.
It’s not that I do….as such.
She needs to be in control.
The need for control comes when anxiety is high.
The need for control comes when a meltdown is close.
The need for control comes when I have missed all the signals that a meltdown is brewing.
My life is, more often than not, controlled by an 8 year old.
I can’t wear certain clothes – the pattern hurts her eyes, the texture – too hard, too soft, too spiky. It’s all too much.
I can’t eat certain foods as she can’t bear the smell.
I can’t watch what I want on tv as she is in charge……her obsessions are in charge.
Something has triggered the control.
Something has triggered the anxiety.
The anxiety is driving the need to control.
Her insistance on working to her own agenda, changing the situation to meet her own needs.
We all have need to control.
When we don’t feel in control, we feel tense.
We need control to predict what will happen next.
We need control to keep things consistent.
We need control.
We all need control.
To do this we need to understand the way the world works.
To do this we need recognize patterns in our environment.
To do this we need to understand cause and effect.
These things are difficult for people on the Autism Spectrum.
This triggers anxiety, this drives the need to control.