Some days I look at my girl and wonder what her future holds.
I think about whether she will be able to live independently.
If she will marry, have a family.
If her health problems will allow her to live her life as she wants to.
Whether she will need her wheelchair forever.
I wonder if she will live a life in pain,
A life where Autism doesn’t allow her to share it with anyone.
I wonder if she can live without me.
I wonder if she will make friends, go out on dates.
If she will be into make up and boy bands.
If she will start wearing my clothes and shoes!
I wonder if she will ever be safe to cross the road alone.
I wonder if the teenage years will be any different from how things are now.
How controlling she is…..she needs to be.
If her anxiety will become unmanageable.
I wonder if she will grow up alongside her peers, or be left there on her own.
I wonder if Piglet will still go everywhwre she goes.
I wonder if she will go to college, to University, work with animals like she has always wanted.
Then I look again at my girl.
I look again and realise that none of that matters.
What I need to focus on is the here and now.
I need to make sure is doing what she wants.
To make sure she is not changing herself for society
To tell her about Autism and how she is different, and unique.
We won’t know what the future holds,
But I can make sure that what tomorrow brings will make her smile.
I can make sure she is happy and safe.
Today is what counts, and every other today to come.