Groundhog day.

​Groundhog day.
A situation in which a series of unwelcome or tedious events appear to be recurring in exactly the same way.
Everyday.

Groundhog day.
The situation arises every single morning that my girl freezes and is unable to go to school.
She is late.
Everyday.

Except it is not Groundhog day.
Autism never has the same day twice.
No matter how much scheduling and routine you put in place.
Autism is unpredictable.
Unpredictably in control.

My girl refuses to go to school everyday.
I say refuses, but it is more like the door won’t open to let her out.
She freezes.
She has eaten, had a drink, had her teeth and hair brushed, got dressed and ready to go.
BANG.
Something jumps infront of her and refuses to let her leave.
Her anxiety. Her Autism gremlin.

She wants to go, she just can’t go.
She cries because she is missing school, but she can’t bring herself to leave the house.
My heart breaks for her. She looks so sad.
All I can do is reassure her.
(And keep calm, stay patient and wait it out.)

So days like today when I don’t get her into school until 10.30am I have to remember how hard it is for HER.
Not me.
I get cross but can’t show it.
I get cross because we are breaking the school rules by being late….
….but Autism makes its own rules and school only starts when that gremlin lets my girl leave the house.

I am bound by rules, by instruction.
I feel like I am living a groundhog day…..
….but I am not because Autism is never the same.
It is not about me.
It is about my girl…
….and that bloomin’ gremlin.

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