I just want to be a Mum.

​If I knew then what I knew now,
Would that make me a better mum somehow?
If I knew the diagnosis, before she was born,
If I could have, possibly, been warned.
Not warned of the Autism, but of all the fights,
Just to get access to her basic rights,
An appointment, a specialist, the diagnosis,
I shouldn’t have to nag to get these,
Phone calls, emails, they take up most days,
No apologies given, no reason for delays,
Just waiting and waiting, and waiting some more,
For someone who can open all those locked doors,
For help, understanding, things that we need,
Not just leaflets or books given to me to read,
A person, a service, without having to shout,
Without having to explain what Autisms about,
I don’t like this nagging person I’ve become,
… I just want to be my girls’ Mum.

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