We stayed home today.
We have done quite alot of staying home during the holidays.
It is just too hard to go out.
Everywhere is crowded.
Everywhere is noisy.
It is too hot for my girl.
Everywhere we go tends to be too much for my girl.
I feel guilty as I see social media posts of other peoples days out.
I feel guilty, that again, we have stayed in our pyjamas.
But I just can’t do it on my own.
My husband works 6 days a week and going out alone with 2 children is hard.
If my girl bolts, hides, takes to the floor and refuses to move, it becomes even harder.
If she has a meltdown and people start staring, tutting, commenting it becomes awful.
For both me and my boy.
As much as he understands her behaviour, it is really hard for him, especially if he just wants to go and have fun.
We try to go on organised trips with our special needs groups; everyone understanding as they all go through the same.
When my girl is at respite I take my boy places that I know I will never manage them both at.
I want to be able to take them both, but Autism is just too unpredictable.
I feel like I should be able to take them both.
Like I should be able to manage.
The truth is I can manage my children, but somedays I cannot handle the Autism.