Not about me!

I have done it again…
….made Autism all about me.
I don’t mean to, just sometimes it all gets too much.

School runs.
That was my moan today.
Well lots of days if I am honest.

I..get stressed.
I..get anxious.
I..get worried.
I..get cross.
I..panic because we are late.

My girl..has a daily meltdown because she can’t cope with school.
I forget that.

I don’t forget really I suppose.
My emotions take over.

I am bound by the rules that my girl must attend school and be there by 8.50am.
I fall into a trap of getting anxious because I don’t want us to be late.
My anxiety feeds my girls anxiety further….
….bam. Meltdown.

Me. Me. Me.
I am stressed.
I can’t do this daily.
….selfish.

My girl battles her anxieties every single morning.
Every day. All day.
We do eventually get her in.
It may be 10 minutes, or an hour late, but she gets there.
Every morning we go through the same routine.
Every morning my emotions cloud my judgement.

She has Autism.
She struggles with transition.
She needs to take her time.
I KNOW THIS!

I do hate school runs.
Hate it because I can’t make it easier for my girl.
Hate it because I lose sight of the problem.
Hate it because I am bound by rules and time.

We are late everyday.
We get there everyday.
Does it really matter if we get there after school has started?
In the grand scheme of things, I don’t think it does.

It isn’t about me.
It is about my girl.
About me trying to make it easier for my girl.
About me trying to make the home to school transition easier.
Not about me feeling sorry for myself.

Tomorrow is another day…..
If we are late, who cares!

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2 thoughts on “Not about me!

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