Somethings and nothings.

Those days that pass in a blur.
When you are otherwise engaged in something and nothing, but time manages to slip by.
When you wake up and the first thing you think about is going back to bed.
This has been my week.

It is Friday. Already.
It has been a week of ups and downs, somethings and nothings.
School morning runs are still the biggest problem.
I have had a few ‘suggestions’ from school how to ‘help’.
Mainly punishments as the reward systems don’t seem to work.

It got me thinking.
Punish bad behaviour or reward good.
Or both…?
Or neither…?

My girls being late can be misinterpreted as being naughty.
Ok, it is misinterpreted as being naughty.
She is being naughty in the way that she is refusing to go, but it is not naughty refusing.
She genuinely has trouble with the transition from home to school.
Infact, not just home to school….it affects even family outings.
Transitions. That is what is difficult.

It is not a new thing.
Ever since my girl started school we have had problems getting in on time.
She has a multitude of problems on top of the Autism which all attribute to her struggles at school.
She doesn’t like school.
Well, she says she doesn’t like it, she does, what she doesn’t like is the work.
The handwriting is painful. Maths is full of concepts she finds difficult.
She doesn’t find the social aspect easy.
She chooses to be friends with children who she can tell what to do, so she can be in control…
….she chooses friends who take advantage of her vulnerability and make her do things that are not allowed.
She needs the routine, thrives on the routine, of school.
She hates wearing the scratchy, itchy, tight, hot uniform.

Do you know when you overthink things and they snowball?
From somethings and nothings to everything?
This is what I am doing.
Worrying that I should be punishing for lateness.
Instead I reward her when she is on time.
 I am exhausted. Mentally exhausted.
My anxious, over thinking, brain draining my energy.
Worrying about worrying.

One sentance stuck in my head this week,
“How are you going to manage when she is in Secondary school, she can’t be late then.”

How am I? How is my girl?
Bleurgh……

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