I did something today.

Things are so difficult in the mornings.
So stressful….so heartbreaking.
It is a vicious cycle of stress and behaviour.
My girl won’t go to school, I get cross and frustrated, my girl gets cross and frustrated.
I got her in at 10.45am this morning.

I realised something today.
Everyday I am trying to normalise her.
Trying to make her fit in mainstream school.
Trying to make her like her friends.
Trying to make her be like everyone else.
……perhaps I am not as accepting as I thought.

My girl is normal to me.
I don’t see her as different as she has always been this way.
I see the Autism and all its’ problems.
I see the Autism and all the good points .
I see her disabilities, I see her struggles.
I see them. I know them.
Have I accepted them?

I did something today.
I rang a special school to make an appointment to go and have a look around.
Something I have thought about over the years but thought my girl wouldn’t meet the criteria.
She is working along average levels in mainstream school. She does well…..
…academically.
Everything else is a struggle.

The time has come to accept that she is different.
The time has come to accept mainstream school is doing more harm then good.
Her school do all they can to help her, but she just won’t….can’t….communicate with them.
She needs to be somewhere she is understood.
Somewhere Autism and her disabilities are common knowledge.
Somewhere I know she will be accepted.

I accept Autism.
I accept disabilities.
Perhaps I haven’t accepted that this is what my girl has.
Perhaps it is harder than I thought.

It will be a fight.
Everything is a fight.
It is one I hope I win.
It is one we need to win.

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