In reflection.

My girl is not coping at school.
I can see it as plain as day.
She is always “fine when she gets here”.

Isn’t it strange?
Strange how we can see so much more?
Strange how much we are aware?
Strange that we can see what our own children need?

It isn’t strange at all.
It is common sense……to us at least.

We all know our children best.
We all have the ability to pick up on the subtle things that others can’t see.
We know when they are struggling, we know when something is not quite right.
For us to notice these things is easy.
For everyone else, it’s not.

Normally children will tell someone if something is wrong.
They will behave abnormally, attracting attention to themselves.
They have learnt an effective way of communicating a problem.

Children with Autism have difficulty communicating.
Some children are non verbal.
Some children speak fluently but have reduced comprehension.
Some children lack the non verbal cues such as facial expressions, hand gestures and eye contact, that other children have developed at a young age.
Some children do not recognise or understand others non verbal cues.
Communication difficulties result in frustration.
All these things together are a breeding ground for Anxiety.

Anxiety and Autism seem to go hand in hand.
The world is a difficult, and unpredictable, place to understand.
It is a place where there are many rules and regulations.
It is a place where the rules and regulations differ everywhere you go.
There is no consistent.
Expected behaviour is different for each place you visit.
Appropriate language is different for different areas….
….so how then, in a world of routine and consistency, can we help Anxiety in Autism?

It is a mammoth task.
One you could never complete.
Consistency is key, but in a world that is not consistent, how do we promote that?

Parents with Anxiety are a common occurance amongst the special needs families.
Research has been carried out and proven that parents with Anxiety are more likely to raise anxious children.
This is fact.
But is this fact reality?
I mean facts are facts, but do they allow for life?
Is the reality that we are anxious because we are trying to reduce anxieties for our children?
Is the reality that our anxieties increase because we know the triggers of our childrens anxieties?
Are our anxieties heightened as we are trying to lessen the things that increase our childrens?

I am anxious.
I am anxious for the future.
I am anxious that in a world of war and violence, teaching right from wrong is a difficult task.
I am anxious sending my child to school everyday; a place where she is not understood, a place where no one can tell if something is wrong.

I am anxious.
I am anxious because my anxieties are there for all to see.
I am anxious because I can’t freely voice my anxieties.

My girl is anxious.
All the time.
It affects her life daily.
Her meltdowns are the fallout from this.
She is locked in a world where anxiety is rife.
She is locked in a world of limited communication.
She craves control so there is nothing to worry about….
….If she is in charge of them there won’t be anything to be afraid of.

She cannot voice her anxieties.
Autism won’t allow it.

She is learning.
She is showing signs of learning to cope.
Of learning to develop mechanisms of control to alleviate some worries.
…….by refusing to go to school; her biggest trigger of anxiety.

It is a viscious circle.
One we visit on a daily basis.

In the world that we live in, in a world that is broken; violence, war, crime, uncertainty….
….how can we blame anyone?
In reflection:
It is not the parents fault.
It is not the schools fault.
It is not Autisms fault.

Anxiety is out there for all to see.


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