Some days I find it hard to write my feelings.
I find it difficult to say what I am thinking.
I write as my therapy.
I write as a way of trying to understand the days events.
Some days I understand why the behaviours are happening.
I can see the difficulties my girl is facing.
I know they are hard for her to cope with.
I see the link…….but I can’t manage it.
Some days I find myself cross.
Like any other Mum, I lose my temper.
I get frustrated, I tell my girl off, I introduce a consequence as a punishment.
Then when all is quiet and calm I see that I was wrong.
I realise it was Autism.
Some days I feel like I am apologising all day.
Saying sorry to my girl for telling her off.
Feeling guilty that the behaviour was not in her control.
Feeling sad for being a bad Mum.
Some days I get frustrated.
Like all children, my girl can be naughty.
Pushing and pushing the boundaries.
Trying to understand what is the Autism and what is naughtiness is difficult.
Sometimes I have no idea which is which.
Some days everything is hard.
My head filled with a big sleep deprivation fog.
Clouding my judgement, stealing at my patience.
Making it hard for me to clearly write what I am thinking.
Making it difficult for me to understand the days events.