Back to school tomorrow.

Back to school tomorrow, and gosh, don’t I know it.
I don’t think people fully understand the difficulties people with Autism face surrounding change.
Unless you have been there to experience it yourself, it is incredibly diificult to describe.

Imagine this:
Every single day the person you trust the most, forces you to go the place you hate more than anywhere else.
Whilst in this place you cannot truly be yourself.
You are being consumed by anxiety but you must conform to the rules, and do what everyone else is doing.
You are forced to succumb to peer pressure just to fit in.
You cannot communicate in this place you hate.
You don’t know – can’t find the words.
The rooms are full of faces oozing emotions that you have no idea of.
You laugh and laugh because that is all you know.
Bound by rules, your anxiety increases you need to be in control…..you cannot be in control.
It is noisy, people talking, chattering, sreaming. Constant noise.
Flurescent lighting buzzing, blinding. Too loud, too bright.
It’s hot, it smells, it is not home.
It is not your safe place.
….and every single day, the person you trust the most, forces you to go there.

You can see why we have had meltdowns today.
You can see why her anxiety has reached a peak.
It doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.
I know it is the change; home to school.

Imagine explaining to your child that they have no choice, that we have no choice, and they absolutely have to go.
Imagine trying to explain the law, that she will need the education as she grows, to someone who doesn’t fully understand, and looks no further ahead in life than next week.
Imagine how frustrating it must be for her. And me.

A whole week off school.
4 days to adjust to a change in routine; to relax.
2-3 days of being settled,
The rest of the time getting worked up about going back.

Back to the place she hates the most.
Back to school.

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