A part of..

Autism is a very personal journey.
I am happy to share mine…ours…with you.
I wish my girl could do the same.
Sometimes I wonder if what I observe is even what is happening.
I wonder what it would be like from her point of view.

Autism can be very difficult.
As a parent and carer I feel myself tugged in  every direction.
I write about how difficult it is for me, but sometimes forget to acknowledge how hard it is for my girl.
I wonder if the emotions she feels could be described in such a way we would understand.

Autism is very emotive.
Everybody has a view on Autism, whether they are telling me it wasn’t around in their day, or telling me about someone they know who has it.
The emotions I feel are so intense because I have maternal instinct on top.
But does my girl feel emotions, does she even know what emotions are?
Can she relate her actions to my feelings?
The unpredictability of Autism keeps me questioning.

Autism is hard to understand.
I research Autism in every spare moment I have but I will never fully understand it.
Every individual with Autism is completely different.
They may share the same traits and difficulties, but they are not the same.
How can we ever understand something with so many different presentations?

Autism is not my child.
Autism is a part of my child.
It is what makes her, her, but not the reason she is who she is.
It seems odd to say I don’t understand a part of her, but it is a part of her that I will never understand….
….however much I try.

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