Pressure. Social media.

So this is how it goes:

School holidays + social media = hundreds of pictures of families days out.

Social media + Our Autism Mum = guilt for staying in.

Guilt + more guilt = day out.

Day out + Autism = failure.

Repeat.
Again and again.
Every school holiday.
When will I learn?

I encourage my children never to follow trends, not to be pushed into anything by peer pressure, and to stay true to themselves.
I do not practice what I preach.
I am weak, but I am blaming social media.
Well 90% is social media, 10% is not knowing what I should do!
Tell me I am not the only one?!

Social media puts so much pressure on parents.
I am not innocent. I do it too. We go out somewhere and I share my pictures with my friends.
I know it is a ‘look where I have been’ post, I know it annoys some people.
I do it because I feel I need to.
I feel I have to.
…..to be a good Mum.

So I take my children out.
With one child with disabilities, and one without, it is always hard to find somewhere that meet both of their needs.
But we go.
I know it will be hard.
I know I will struggle to cope.
I know in mostly ends in meltdowns….yet I go.
I do it to myself. I do it to my girl.
I willingly put her in situations I know she can’t cope with.
Why? Because I am weak….because of social media.
I feel I have to….
….to be a good Mum.

So stay off social media? Easy enough answer.
The most logical. Easy right?
No.
Not at all.
Most of my friends I have never met.
Even my close friends live somewhere in social media and I have never even heard their voice.
It is difficult to make friends in the real world that understand my situation, but on the computer I can search for families who are the same.
I have created a circle of friends around my childs needs.
I have created a circle of friends around my own needs.
They understand, they don’t judge, they just get it.
They know why we sit inside day in day out.
They get it.

But still I feel that guilt….that pull of what I should be doing.
…only it’s not what I should be doing.
I need to centre my life around my childs needs – and that’s ok too.