Where’s my positivity?

My aim today? To be positive.
…..about a bad day.
It can be done, can’t it?
Sometimes I feel it can’t, most days I feel I can’t.
I don’t mean to be so negative but when you see your child struggle and meltdown daily over the easiest of tasks, you get stuck in negativity.
Everything is hard.
Everything is exhausting.
Everything breaks your heart.

We survived the day…..positive, ✔
My girl went to school…..positive, ✔
I got a nap!…..positive, ✔
Survived an hour long meltdown in McDonalds…..positive, ✔
No one commented on her behaviour…..positive, ✔
I didn’t give in to her demands…..positive, ✔
She only hurt me when she lost all control in a restaurant full of other people…..positive, ✔
My girl didn’t get run over when she ran into a busy carpark…..positive, ✔
My girl didn’t get anything stuck in her barefeet when bolting…..positive, ✔
I didn’t crash the car when the meltdown resumed whilst driving home…..positive, ✔
My girl took herself upstairs to calm and read a whole book…..extremely positive, ✔
Melatonin worked and my girl is asleep….positive, ✔.

I did it….positivity. ✔
Does it make me feel better for the harder parts?
I can’t say it does because I am too exhausted.
Exhaustion eats away at every emotion that I own.
It digs and digs until each feeling is caught up in a sleep deprived bubble, and then steals it away.

I must make a conscious effort to be more positive.
I am in person, I promise, but when I sit down to write all that flows is the negativity, the things I have struggled with.
I need to get it all out, I need to share how it really feels.
How I feel.

My girl, thankfully, is not a negative person.
She embraces life and takes every second as it comes.
She is funny, so so funny, clever, bright, and our little ray of sunshine….
….it’s just sometimes that sunshine gets hidden by dark storm clouds.


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