Should I change?

Sometimes I wonder what I am doing.
I lay myself bare, I lay my girl bare.
I don’t hold back, I say it as it is.
Am I doing the wrong thing?

I do it for a reason.
I want people to see how it really is.
Not just all the positives, but the frightenong reality.
I want people to relate, to know it is ok to be struggling.
I want people to see that Autism actually exists.
I want to change peoples perceptions, to gain acceptance.
Am I actually fighting a losing battle?
The only person you can ever really change is yourself.

Perhaps I need to change myself.
Maybe I am just too negative, too depressed, have little willpower, too soft.
Maybe? Possibly?
What do I have to compare it with when every child, regardless of ability, is unique?

Honesty. That’s how I work…
….my therapy.
I want to share the dark side of being a Special Needs Mum because it exists!
I want to share the challenges, the violence, the control, the anxiety.
I NEED to because I know others go through the same.
I want to break the silence, crush the taboo, because the reality isn’t all rainbows and flowers.

Autism is complex, challenging and fustrating.
It is something I will never fully understand, something none of us will ever fully understand.
I can try…..we can try.
All of us.

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