Confused.

Isn’t it funny? How we work?
How I work?
Everyday I fight the battle of getting my girl into school.
Everyday I complain about it, get cross and want to keep her home.
I watch the anxiety consume her, see it slowly steal her sparkle.
I countdown for holidays, wanting an easier time us both;
And then when it is near I worry about it.
I dont want it to be the holidays……but I do.
I need the holidays, we are supposed to be happy that it is the holidays.
We are expected to be happy.

Conflict, my own conflict.
Confusion.
I need there to be school, to be a routine, to give me a break.
My girl needs school to provide stability, a sense of being.
But I hate it. I hate sending her somewhere I know she cannot cope.
She has to go to school, she needs to be there.
I need her to be there.
But I need her to be home. Where I can keep her safe, where I can reduce her anxieties.

Nothing is ever easy.
We always want what we can’t have and then when we get it we don’t want it.
How can I explain how the world works to my girl if I don’t even understand it myself.

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