Attack of the senses.

The senses. Our senses.
Something I take for granted, I expect them to work.
What if they don’t?
What if they are too sensitive?
What if they are not sensitive enough?
What if the senses were so muddled that they couldn’t do their job properly?
Imagine how hard it would be too process all those confusing messages
Imagine having Sensory Processing difficulties just like my girl and many others on the Autism Spectrum.

Everyday I try to see the world through her eyes.
To see through her confused senses.

I try, so hard, daily..
….but I know I can’t ever come anywhere near to imagining how hard it is for her.

I can only imagine:
How seeing hurts her eyes.
How from the moment she wakes the colours are so bright they burn.
How looking can cause physical pain.
How it can all get so much her vision temporarily switches itself off.
How the colours bleed into each other.
How so very bright everything is.

I can only imagine:
How hearing hurts her ears.
The sounds banging on her ear drums.
How she hears so many sounds at once that she can’t pick out each one.
How it merges into one constant loud noise.
How it can make her drop to her knees, hands over her ears.
How she can here people whispering from 3 rooms away.
How everyday items, such as lightbulbs and chargers, can drive her to meltdown with their ‘buzzing’.
How so very loud it is.
…how she cannot bear loud noises, but she is the loudest person I know!

I can only imagine:
How touch can be so painful.
The pain of wearing clothes, the fabrics gnawing at your skin.
How light touch can cause pain, a simple hug unbareable.
How she can’t feel a dislocation, but a label or seam drives her to distraction.
How when she feels hot, she wants to wear a coat.
How so very painful just going about daily can be.

I can only imagine:
How her sense of smell rules her mind.
How the slightest of smells can set her nostrils alight.
How she can smell cooking 2 streets down,
How the smell of the meat counter in a supermarket can be enough to cause a meltdown.
How overwhelming the world becomes.

I can only imagine:
How much taste fuels her thoughts.
How she feels the impulse to lick and taste everything.
How hard it is to resist.
The need pick up inedible items and put them in her mouth.
New textures there to be explored.
Food in, food out, hands in.
How tempting things are.

I simply can’t imagine.
I can try, I can read every article I can find but I will never understand completely.
I cannot truly ever understand something I don’t experience myself.
I can only be there for her.

Just to be her for one day,
Just to experience what she does.
Just so I could make things easier for her.

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