Time to think.

“It has been nice to have respite”
A comment made by my girl who has been home from school this week, ill.
An innocent comment referring to the fact that we were having one on one time.
A comment that stopped me in my tracks.

Respite.
We are fortunate to have been granted hours by our local council.
My girl goes off to the childminders so we can access things with my boy that we can’t normally do.
The time is great for my boy, his chance to spend time with us one on one.

I spend 24 hours with my girl and tend to her every need.
I do everything for her, plan everything to the last second, sit up with her overnight, and am on constant watch for her safety.
I felt like she got all my time…
….but when she made that comment I realised something.
She does have all my time, but I am spending it caring for her, not spending it with her.

My girl gets my attention but not always my time.
I get so immersed in Autism, caring, preventing meltdowns, medical appointments etc that I forget to actually spend quality time with my children.
Believe me, that is a hard thing to say.
Life is just so busy that I focus so much on things going on that I forget to make things happen.

Time is so precious.
Every second needs to be savoured.
My children are growing up so fast and it is whizzing by in a blur.

Caring for, and spending time with are two different things.
Essentially they can be combined but by putting the caring role down for a minute I can remember my true role; a Mum.

It is all too easy to fall into a routine of making sure things are done.
In a life where Autism means you have to map out every second, you fill the timetable with things to do.
I need to fill some space with spending quality one on one time with my children, without the distractions of everyday life.

Sometimes my girl gives me a real insight into my life.

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