Lonely at Christmas.
At this time of year I start to feel lonely.
I see photos of people having fun at Christmas parties on social media.
I see pictures of people having friends over for a chat and glass of wine.
I see get togethers and coffee dates.
I feel lonely…….and envious.
We can’t do those things.
We are isolated and secluded.
Going out is hard as it is difficult to find a babysitter for a child with additional needs.
I don’t work so I don’t get invited to any parties.
We couldn’t go anyway.
Having friends over is impossible as my child does not sleep well and will try and control the evening.
In fact just having friends is hard.
Not hard because I am unsociable.
Hard because my friends have to understand and tolerate so much more.
They have to know you may have to leave at the drop of a hat, they have to understand that all you will probably talk about is the challenges of Autism.
I am unsociable.
I am permanently exhausted.
Physically and mentally drained.
I am no good for laughs and good nights out, I just want my girl to sleep so I can have a hot cup of tea and go to get a hug.
I want to sleep. I need sleep.
I have friends.
Lovely friends who are there for me when I need to offload or get a hug.
Most of them fellow special needs parents.
Logical really, they are people that can truly understand.
Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t Autisms’ fault I feel lonely.
I can’t lay the blame on a condition.
Sometimes I just feel isolated.
Sometimes I feel I have so many challenges to offload that I become a burden on a friend.
…..special needs parents will understand this.
I feel like I moan about everything.
I do moan about everything!
That is the life I lead now, a constant battle for what we need and services not able to help.
I guess it is normal to feel jealousy when you see people out having fun.
I guess it is normal to be envious of the people who can go out and celebrate with friends.
It is natural to always want what you can’t have.
The silly thing is though that I wouldn’t want to go out anyway!
The reality is that I am too tired!!!