Growing up.

I’m grumpy.
My girl is grumpy….
…and angry….and everything I would expect of a pre teen.
But that’s just it.
Inside the layers of Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Visual Processing Disorder, sleep difficulties and various other diagnosis’, is a young girl.
A young girl developing into a young lady.
Hormones, back chat, slamming of doors and refusing to do anything I say, are a frequent guest in my house.
It is hard.
There is no denying that it is hard work.
I am quite a patient person, but my patience is wearing thin.

I knew to expect this of course.
I was once the raging pot of hormones my girl is now.
I guess I just thought it wouldn’t happen, pretended she would stay little forever.
Actually, I am not sure that I ever even thought about it.

I have sat for hours researching all my girls conditions.
Sat and focused on how they will affect her life, how they will direct her future.
I made growing up all about how the disabilities would change her, ignoring the hormone part of it all.
I hid away the growing up part and focused on the things I couldn’t see.
Denial? Perhaps.

My girl is growing up and challenging behaviours become more difficult to manage.
Meltdowns? Tantrums? They all roll into one and when we come through the other side even our careful analysis can’t decipher which one it may have been.
Anxiety, in any pre teen is rife, but added onto my girls already anxious mind is awful to see.
Trying to cope with the extra anxiety means she needs to take control of absolutely everything.
Everything……

I have tried explaining all about growing up but she refuses to listen.
I have left books around hoping she will have a look through.
I am not sure how much she understands and how much she just doesn’t want to hear.

Growing up is hard on us all.
It is really hard to see her go through all these emotions knowing that she doesn’t understand what she is feeling.
My girl has always majorly struggled with emotions.
She fails to recognise any emotion unless it is a smiley face, and refuses to use any word remotely reflecting how she is feeling.
She cannot accurately read body language or see the consequence of her actions.
It must be so hard for her.
Growing up is going to be a difficult time.

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