Sometimes I wish that people could see,
A day through my eyes; what it’s like to be me.
To spend all of my time doing things I am told,
Will help my girl now as she grows to be old.
To attend all the appointments that come in the post,
To organise my day before eating my toast,
To never know what a school day will bring,
Waiting on tender hooks for that school bell to ring.
To be ruled by my child and be told what to do,
To never know what version of your child you’ll come home to,
To be scared, to be frightened, looking constantly around,
For triggers that may provoke the next violent meltdown.
To get so bogged down with all the stress,
To be awake all night and not get any rest,
To get so down and feel like I am all alone,
To not want to go out or to answer the phone.
Autism is hard, for the whole family,
It affects everyone of us, not just my girl and me,
But no one can see it, so nobody knows,
What Autism is like; because Autism doesn’t show.
My life looks normal to the outside world,
But everything is different because of my girl,
The truth is I’ll never fully understand the condition,
The predictable, unpredictabilty, of Our Autism.