Don’t worry.

“Don’t worry about what other people think.”
I tell people this all the time.
I try so hard to practice what I preach, I really do, but sometimes I can’t.
Somedays that bit of my brain goes into overdrive and that is all I worry about.
…..but that’s ok, isn’t it?

I mean, is it really ok?
To worry about what people think?
I don’t, for one minute, believe that at any point in our life we can ever not worry about it.
It may not be subconsciously, we may adjust our behaviour, without realising we are doing it, when others are around.
Not to impress, or create a false impression of ourselves.
Not even to make us look like we are in control.
But to make ourselves feel better about what we are doing.

Having a child with a disability has made me more aware of what people think of us.
I try not to worry. I try and ignore our surroundings and focus on the task in hand.
I don’t really care if ‘starer 1’ thinks I am a soft touch, I don’t care if ‘starer 2’ thinks I need to discipline my child, I don’t care if ‘starer 3’ doesn’t think I should bring my child into a public place….
…..I don’t care.
I worry.

I worry about what other people think because my child has to grow up into a world that doesn’t understand.
I worry because I may not always be t
here to protect them.
I worry what people think because it will change their behaviour towards my child.

I try not to worry, but most days I do.
My exhausted brain picks up on something and then excessively worries about it.
It takes everything out of perspective and makes a small worry, enormous.
I cry, feeling insignificant, sad…..a failure.
Because of what people think?
Little scenarios I have created in my mind.
I don’t even know if it is what they think!
It is ok to worry, but not ok to have to change yourself because of it.

I may not care what people think, but I worry about it.
All. The. Time.

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