Depression.

Depression.

From the deepest hole of darkness,
I look up to see the light,
My feet are tethered to the ground,
By anxiety and fright,
Depressions’ got a grip on me,
I fear it’ll never let go,
The space is growing darker,
As the evil demon grows.

In the deepest hole of darkness,
The light is fading away,
Dark thoughts are holding me hostage,
By the awful things they say,
Anxiety has bought me to my knees,
I fear I’ll never rise,
I want to lie down, forget it all,
As the evil demon closes my eyes.

But, the deepest hole of darkness,
Depression and anxiety,
I am stronger than you think I am,
You are not imprisoning me,
I know you’ll never be forever gone,
And you’ll always hover near,
But as long as I have my friends and family,
I don’t have anything to fear.

I wrote this poem a while ago when I could not see anyway out.
Depression and anxiety had me tight in its’ grips.
I was stuck. Lost.
I felt I had nowhere to go.
I am a parent and my role is to care for them….
..but I felt like I couldn’t.
I was lost. Who could I talk to?
Who would be there to understand my feelings of failure?
Swallowed by exhaustion, and dark thoughts, my self worth non existent, I didn’t know where to turn.

But….
…I went to the doctors and I got help.
I sat in her room, cried, and admitted my feelings.
She didn’t laugh, she didn’t tell me to man up, she didn’t say anything horrible at all.
She listened.
That is all I needed.
She listened and I began to talk.
For so long I thought no one would want to know……..maybe I didn’t want anyone to know.

There is always light at the end of a tunnel.
It may take hours, days, months or years to get there, but you will.
You will climb out of that hole.
And although that demon never entirely leaves you, and you will have days where it takes over again, you will become strong enough to regain control.

If you are feeling down, or just need someone to talk to, I am always here.
Parenting, special needs parenting, is hard work.
Often we are too busy with everyone elses needs to remember our own.

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