Autism and meltdown

Helpless.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know where to look.
I don’t know what to say.
I talk.
I use a calm voice, reassuring.
Suggesting, telling.
I shout.
My temper flaring.
I can’t see sense.
She can’t see sense.
She’s self harming, screaming, shouting.
My voice falling on deaf ears.
She is unable to comprehend any language.
Shouting. I shout.
Fustration, anger….I just want to help.
She won’t listen………
…..can’t listen.

Her senses confused and muddled.
Screaming, banging, hurting herself because she doesn’t know what else to do.
She is trying so hard to tell me, in a way only she understands.
I don’t understand.
I shout because I don’t understand.
My calming voice is crying.
I’m crying.

Meltdown.
Not a tantrum.
Not bad behaviour.
Not a conscious action to reap reward.
Heartbreak.
Helplessness.
Hurt.
Pain.

My instincts scream at me to help, to calm, to hug it all away.
Reality….Autism….means all I can do is stand and watch.
Watch and be calm, cry, shout and make it worse.
Helpless.

Useless.

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