Meltdowns. I hate them. I hate how my vulnerable child is left feeling helpless and destroyed. I hate how it blocks out reality and replaces it with a seering rage. I hate it. I hate it. Selfishly. Me. I hate being the place of safety. The place where it all unloads. I hate the kicking,…… Continue reading Meltdowns.

Social skills?

As a parent I find myself questioning my abilities all the time. This little human I produced is relying on me to teach her everything I know about the world…. ….and sometimes I wonder if I am the right person to do it. I want to do it, don’t get me wrong. I want to…… Continue reading Social skills?

Emotional emotions.

That feeling of loneliness, but you are surrounded by people. That feeling of stress, but you have a smile on your face. That feeling of failure, but you pretend everything is fine. That feeling you need to talk, but you don’t want to be judged. That feeling you should be ok, but you really are…… Continue reading Emotional emotions.


It was my girls birthday yesterday. A day that always fills me with apprehension, and an overflow of different emotions. I always worry how it is going to be, if she will enjoy it. I want it to be special for her, but we want to enjoy it too. I talk alot about how the…… Continue reading Birthday!

Almost 13!

Pre birthday blues. I wish I could tell her…. That her birthday is nothing to fear, That in the morning it will be here, And the worry she feels will fade away. I wish I could tell her…. As I hear her shout, tears leaking out, That anxiety is not what birthdays are about, And…… Continue reading Almost 13!

Autism acceptance.

Yesterday we had a really great day. We spent most of the day, in a busy public place, with friends. It was loud, noisy, chaotic and we took part in unplanned activities. But…. We had no meltdowns in public. None! Not even a flicker of one. We managed to enjoy the whole time, and take…… Continue reading Autism acceptance.

Autism. Parent anxiety.

I am an anxious mess. Is it just me who thinks all they ever say is negative things about their child? I don’t mean to, but I know that is what I do. It is not that there aren’t any positives, there are, so why am I this way? My child doesn’t like praise, hates…… Continue reading Autism. Parent anxiety.