Autism behaviour cycle

Cycles. Cycles of behaviour. Is it just my girl? It has been a like this since day one. We have periods of near constant meltdowns and horrendous violent and controlling behaviours. Then we have periods of calm. It goes from one extreme to another. From wanting to kill me, to never leaving my side. ….I…… Continue reading Autism behaviour cycle

Waiting for Christmas…

My Facebook feed is full of Christmas Trees. Beautifully decorated trees. It has started. The countdown to Christmas. It started really early this year, but our tree only went up today. Christmas. The best time of the year for my boy. I love it…..I loved it. It is the hardest for my girl. The waiting.…… Continue reading Waiting for Christmas…

The reality of our autism Christmas.

What. A. Night. What a week, what a month so far! Christmas is such a hard time for my girl. I want to make it lovely, magical…..perfect. I want it to be something she remembers. Happy memories. Special memories. I want to make it something she loves. Every single year as Christmas approaches, behaviours increase,…… Continue reading The reality of our autism Christmas.

Please Santa…..

Please Santa.? When all is quiet, and I get time for me, I will sit and snuggle up under the tree, I will write to Santa, but not ask for presents, All I want this year is Autism Acceptance. I know it is hard for everyone to see, And you all don’t walk in the…… Continue reading Please Santa…..

I am Autism.

I want control. I need control. I am control. I am Autism. A fear of being out of control. A fear of uncertainty. A fear of feeling unsafe. A fear of being in an unpredictable world. I am Autism. I make the rules. I choose the rules. I am the rules. I am Autism. The…… Continue reading I am Autism.

No Elf on my shelf

Why I don’t do Elf on the Shelf. Tomorrow is the big day. I know for many families this is tradition. I know many families have a lot of fun and joy in doing it, but for us, it’s not to be. Imagine this. My girl at home. A place where she feels safe, a…… Continue reading No Elf on my shelf

Respite….the guilt

I woke up this morning in a panic. My girl has been away for 2 nights respite. I had slept through and thought something awful had happened! 2 nights of sleep and I feel like a new woman. This morning, after the panic resided, I woke up with a feeling of dread, fear, anxiety? I…… Continue reading Respite….the guilt