Just imagine.

Imagine being so caught up on your own thoughts that decision making becomes impossible. Imagine wanting to do something so badly but part of you won’t allow it. Imagine getting so cross with yourself because you think you can do it, you want to do it, but you can’t. You are trapped. Physically and mentally.…… Continue reading Just imagine.

Should I change?

Sometimes I wonder what I am doing. I lay myself bare, I lay my girl bare. I don’t hold back, I say it as it is. Am I doing the wrong thing? I do it for a reason. I want people to see how it really is. Not just all the positives, but the frightenong…… Continue reading Should I change?

Saved!

The tornado of negative feelings that has carried me through this week has finally let me go. Reality got me out of there. Remembering that it is not all bad, seeing that it is not all bad. My girl, the positivity I needed to exit the constant spin of feeling a failure. As the whirlwind…… Continue reading Saved!

Middleness?

Middleness. Is this a thing? Is this why we have to fight for absolutely everything? Because she doesn’t have severe Autism, because she masks in school, because she conforms to school rules, because she is performing at average levels with her peers, this makes her ok? Is middleness nothing? Does her Autism mean nothing? Is…… Continue reading Middleness?

To Daddy.

A thank you note to ‘Our Autism’ Dad. Thank you for always being there for us. Always. No matter what. Thank you for going to work on very little sleep to support your family. Thank you for being there for me in the early hours when all I want to do is go to bed.…… Continue reading To Daddy.

Sunny days 

Sunshine brings summer days out,  Sunshine means crowded, busy places. Sunshine brings long, light days,  Sunshine means confusion at bedtimes. Sunshine brings warmth to our skin,  Sunshine means touch and sticky suncream. Sunshine brings bright white light,  Sunshine means a sensory meltdown. Sunshine brings children out to play,  Sunshine means too much noise. Sunshine brings…… Continue reading Sunny days 

Parent Carer? (Carers Week).

Am I a stay at home mum or a parent carer? ….or both? Where does it differ? Where does one move to the other? It is complicated and hard to understand. I am a stay at home Mum. I am a parent Carer It is Carers Week here in the UK. A week dedicated to…… Continue reading Parent Carer? (Carers Week).