Autism behaviour cycle

Cycles. Cycles of behaviour. Is it just my girl? It has been a like this since day one. We have periods of near constant meltdowns and horrendous violent and controlling behaviours. Then we have periods of calm. It goes from one extreme to another. From wanting to kill me, to never leaving my side. ….I…… Continue reading Autism behaviour cycle

Waiting for Christmas…

My Facebook feed is full of Christmas Trees. Beautifully decorated trees. It has started. The countdown to Christmas. It started really early this year, but our tree only went up today. Christmas. The best time of the year for my boy. I love it…..I loved it. It is the hardest for my girl. The waiting.…… Continue reading Waiting for Christmas…

The reality of our autism Christmas.

What. A. Night. What a week, what a month so far! Christmas is such a hard time for my girl. I want to make it lovely, magical…..perfect. I want it to be something she remembers. Happy memories. Special memories. I want to make it something she loves. Every single year as Christmas approaches, behaviours increase,…… Continue reading The reality of our autism Christmas.

The smell….

Having Autism, my girl is not very good at picking up social cues. She has no concern about what people think about her. She finds it difficult to relate an action to a consequence. Recently this has become a slight problem….especially since hormones have made their presence known! Smell. That is what I am talking…… Continue reading The smell….

I am Autism.

I want control. I need control. I am control. I am Autism. A fear of being out of control. A fear of uncertainty. A fear of feeling unsafe. A fear of being in an unpredictable world. I am Autism. I make the rules. I choose the rules. I am the rules. I am Autism. The…… Continue reading I am Autism.

Autism, NOT bad parenting.

I have never bitten my child……but my child bites me. I have never hit or kicked my child……but my child does it to me. I have only said a few swear words in front of my child……but my child knows every single swear word out there. I have never had a meltdown in public with…… Continue reading Autism, NOT bad parenting.

Respite….the guilt

I woke up this morning in a panic. My girl has been away for 2 nights respite. I had slept through and thought something awful had happened! 2 nights of sleep and I feel like a new woman. This morning, after the panic resided, I woke up with a feeling of dread, fear, anxiety? I…… Continue reading Respite….the guilt