Autism and excessive eating.

This world is a very confusing place to be. A place full of people we don’t understand. A place full of rules we don’t want to stick to. Rules. That is what ‘our Autism’ struggles with the most…. ….and the consequence of breaking them. She just does not understand, or maybe accept, that things happen…… Continue reading Autism and excessive eating.

It’s ok to not be ok.

This week is Mental Health Awareness week. Research has found that parents of Autistic children are twice as likely to suffer from a psychiatric illness. I do. A few years ago I had an emotional breakdown. I hid myself away, I was ashamed…. ….but now I stand proud with all the other sufferers, not embarrassed…… Continue reading It’s ok to not be ok.

Pain.

I can’t decide what is worse: Seeing your child in pain, or knowing there is nothing you can do to help. Today they are both breaking my heart. I am angry because my child has this ‘thing’ that I cannot take away. I am upset because I wish it was me that was hurting instead.…… Continue reading Pain.

That ‘W’ word.

As I tried to console my girl, I absent mindedly used the ‘W’ word. I was greeted by rage. Uncontrollable, raw rage. I know not to use it. We have had this discussion many, many times. I can’t use the ‘A’ word, the ‘G’ word, the ‘S’ word, the ‘E word, or any other of…… Continue reading That ‘W’ word.

Unwell hugs.

Oh my girl, how I hate to see you unwell. How I hate to see you in pain and discomfort and not know how to soothe you. Oh my girl, how I love the cuddles when you are unwell. How I love that you feel reassured by resting your body against mine. Oh how I…… Continue reading Unwell hugs.

Fear…

She comes over to me. I flinch. Am I going to get hurt? Is she going to bite, kick, shout or punch? I freeze in terror. But she just leans on me. ….She just wanted a hug. I want to hug her back but she has gone. Just the briefest of touches. I sit in…… Continue reading Fear…