All it took

All it took was a friendly face. The day started difficult again. My girl was not happy or approachable. There was nothing I could do to make her smile. My Dad sent me a message and offered to come over. He changed the day completely. My girl absolutely adores her Grandad. He has some kind…… Continue reading All it took

Sshhh!

Ssshhhh! Don’t move, don’t cough, don’t sneeze, don’t scratch an itch and breathe very quietly! My girl is asleep and I would like it to stay that way…. ….pretty please. 4 nights of barely any sleep and we are all absolutely exhausted….except my girl of course! She can keep going whilst the rest of us…… Continue reading Sshhh!

Fed up.

I don’t hate Autism…. ….but I don’t always like it. I don’t like the way I don’t understand it. I don’t like the way I can’t see the world through its’ eyes. I don’t like the anxiety and fustration. I don’t like the meltdowns and violence. I don’t like the way it hurts me. I…… Continue reading Fed up.

Autism and meltdown

Helpless. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to look. I don’t know what to say. I talk. I use a calm voice, reassuring. Suggesting, telling. I shout. My temper flaring. I can’t see sense. She can’t see sense. She’s self harming, screaming, shouting. My voice falling on deaf ears. She is…… Continue reading Autism and meltdown

What a weekend. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry… Today has been rough, today has been hard, My girls’ behaviour has caught me off guard, A long weekend; what she needed I thought, But today has been manic, emotions were fraught. I forgot to remember how she would feel, When the routine was changed, it is a big deal, For her, for…… Continue reading What a weekend. I’m sorry.

Dark days.

I have had days where I have stood in the shower crying so hard that I didn’t know if I was washing with tears or water. I’ve watched in the mirror as my laughter lines grow, as ironically, my laughter dies. I have sat in the night, cowering, watching my shadow. I have made rabbits…… Continue reading Dark days.

Blurred lines.

Bad behaviour or Autism? Pre teen angst or Autism anxiety? I cannot use Autism to excuse all of my girls behaviour. I cannot ignore bad behaviour because she has Autism…. ….but how can I tell which is which? There are the obvious behaviours that I can see are the result of her processing difficulties. There…… Continue reading Blurred lines.