Good night.

I hold her close, Up to my nose, Breathe her in, Feel her warmth on my skin, Hug her tight, Kiss her goodnight, Let the stress of the day, Float away, Read her a story, Whisper I’m sorry, For being demanding, For not understanding, Stroke her head, Settle her in bed, Tell her I love…… Continue reading Good night.

Dear the future.

Dear the future. I see you there, lurking. I hear you calling out. I see your shadows following me with every tick of the second hand. I know you are going to get me. I know the future will come. But, future, I am scared. I am terrified of what you will bring to my…… Continue reading Dear the future.

Our Autism groundhog day.

Do you ever feel like you are being left behind? Friends move on, family members have their own families, people get jobs, have babies….. Me? I just stay me. Unemployed. With very few friends. Isolated and lonely. Standing still in a world that is moving too quickly around me. I am a carer. A stay…… Continue reading Our Autism groundhog day.

It’s got me…

Anxiety. A horrible little parasite that burrows under your skin. It takes control. Everyday I watch it take hold of my girl. Everyday it breaks my heart. It hurts because I know exactly how she feels. I am Our Autism Mum, and I have an anxiety disorder. I am not ashamed about it. It is…… Continue reading It’s got me…

The concept of New Year.

Happy New Year! Today is 2017. Tomorrow is 2018. A simple concept for you and I, Not a simple concept for My Girl. Imagine not having a good sense of time. Imagine not being to tell how long 5 minutes is. How long a day is. A week. A month…….a year. Then imagine me telling…… Continue reading The concept of New Year.

Lonely at Christmas.

Lonely at Christmas. At this time of year I start to feel lonely. I see photos of people having fun at Christmas parties on social media. I see pictures of people having friends over for a chat and glass of wine. I see get togethers and coffee dates. I feel lonely…….and envious. We can’t do…… Continue reading Lonely at Christmas.

Parent friendships.

I like to think I am a kind person. I like to think I am calm and approachable. …..I know I am not a very good friend. I am selfish and absorbed in a world of Autism and disability. They are all I talk about. They are all I think about. Everything I do and…… Continue reading Parent friendships.