Respite….the guilt

I woke up this morning in a panic. My girl has been away for 2 nights respite. I had slept through and thought something awful had happened! 2 nights of sleep and I feel like a new woman. This morning, after the panic resided, I woke up with a feeling of dread, fear, anxiety? I…… Continue reading Respite….the guilt

The guilt.

Perhaps it is wrong to admit it. Perhaps I shouldn’t even say it. The guilt eats me up inside every time I send her. …but we need it. Right? Ok. Here goes. Deep breath….. We had a lovely evening whilst my girl was at respite. There. Done. Said. Why do I feel so bad even…… Continue reading The guilt.

Autism babysitter.

Looking for a babysitter for my child with Autism! Must have some understanding of Autism. Must be able to remain calm and confident. Must be extremely patient. Must be hands on. Must allow for unpredictibility. Must not be tired as cannot guarantee the child will sleep. Must be able to cope with meltdowns. Must expect…… Continue reading Autism babysitter.

A day with my boy.

A day with my boy. A day of many emotions. A day of realisation. The day my eyes were opened. Everyday I see parents out with their children. On bikes, scooters, walking…. Together. Relaxed, smiling, giggling. I feel sadness. Jealousy. A ‘normal’ everyday occurence for everyone else….. ……not for us. We can’t just go out.…… Continue reading A day with my boy.

Autism. It is all my fault.

Autism… …..it is all my fault. My baby wasn’t planned. I thought I couldn’t get pregnant. I was Anorexic and Bulimic. I wouldn’t eat for days and then I would binge and vomit. …..it is all my fault. I didn’t eat properly when I was pregnant. I worked 12.5 hour shifts where I was on…… Continue reading Autism. It is all my fault.

Time to think.

“It has been nice to have respite” A comment made by my girl who has been home from school this week, ill. An innocent comment referring to the fact that we were having one on one time. A comment that stopped me in my tracks. Respite. We are fortunate to have been granted hours by…… Continue reading Time to think.

Respite…..should I say?

Perhaps it is wrong to admit it. Perhaps I shouldn’t even say it. The guilt eats me up inside every time I send her. …but we need it. Right? Ok. Here goes. Deep breath….. I had a lovely weekend whilst my girl was at respite. There. Done. Said. Why do I feel so bad even…… Continue reading Respite…..should I say?