Respite….the guilt

I woke up this morning in a panic. My girl has been away for 2 nights respite. I had slept through and thought something awful had happened! 2 nights of sleep and I feel like a new woman. This morning, after the panic resided, I woke up with a feeling of dread, fear, anxiety? I…… Continue reading Respite….the guilt

It’s got me…

Sat with the children tonight I laughed. I haven’t laughed for so long, I hadn’t even realised how miserable I have been. Home has been so hard recently that I have neglected myself, physically and emotionally. I feel emotionless, like I feel everything so much that I now feel nothing. All of my feelings are…… Continue reading It’s got me…

Things will soon look brighter.

I can’t seem to snap out of this negative phase. Everything just feels so difficult. Everything is such an effort. I am tired. Not just tired, completely exhausted. My positivity and happiness seem to be buried so deep that I can’t quite reach it. I know it is there, I just haven’t got the energy…… Continue reading Things will soon look brighter.

Sshhh!

Ssshhhh! Don’t move, don’t cough, don’t sneeze, don’t scratch an itch and breathe very quietly! My girl is asleep and I would like it to stay that way…. ….pretty please. 4 nights of barely any sleep and we are all absolutely exhausted….except my girl of course! She can keep going whilst the rest of us…… Continue reading Sshhh!

Schools out for summer.

I always feel so happy about the school holidays…..well, what I mean is I always want to feel happy. I imagine them to be wonderful weeks of outings and fun. What I know is different. When they begin, reality kicks in. And all I feel is fear. There is very little to take my mind…… Continue reading Schools out for summer.

So very tired.

I’m tired of always having to fight, I’m tired of being the one to put things right, I’m tired of always having to explain, I’m tired of repeating myself over again, I’m tired of teaching people who should know better, I’m tired of writing emails and letters, I’m tired of my words falling on deaf…… Continue reading So very tired.

Our Autism and sleep.

I am tired. My girl and sleep have never had the best relationship. Right from the day she arrived, sleep was never her priority. She would only ever sleep swaddled tightly in a blanket. We waitied but she didn’t sleep through the night……and still doesn’t at 12 years old. Today she started her day at…… Continue reading Our Autism and sleep.