I’m tired.

I’m tired of always having to fight, I’m tired of being the one to put things right, I’m tired of always having to explain, I’m tired of repeating myself over again, I’m tired of teaching people who should know better, I’m tired of writing emails and letters, I’m tired of my words falling on deaf…… Continue reading I’m tired.

It could have worked?

So first day back at school today after half term and a weeks holiday. It was supposed to be an easy morning…….because that is what school had planned. It was a good idea, but one I knew was destined to fail. ‘Go with it’ I thought, ‘it may work. It might be the incentive she…… Continue reading It could have worked?

The pain of school.

Hooray for half term!! 1 whole week of no school! 1 whole week of no school refusals! My 10 year old girl refuses school every single day. She is late for school every single day. I try and try, so hard, to get her in, but it is so, so hard. What do you imagine…… Continue reading The pain of school.

My broken heart.

I cannot bear it. I am heartless. I am mean, every morning she hates me. I know I am heartless; because every single morning my heart breaks a bit more. Surely there can’t be any left. Its just an empty shell pulsing blood around my body. The pain of seeing her so hurt. The despair…… Continue reading My broken heart.

Autism around the clock.

Tomorrow sees the return of school, the return of strict routine, the return of massive anxieties, the return of meltdowns, the return of biting; the return of the dark side of Autism. Already my girl has changed back into an anxiety consumed, angry, fustrated, 10 year old. Autism affects every second of our lifes, but…… Continue reading Autism around the clock.

Is it ok to hate Autism?

Is it ok to hate Autism? Sometimes the reality is that it all gets too much. The meltdowns, the kicking, the biting, the screaming. It just gets too much. I know for her it is much worse. I know that she must be going through utter hell in her head. I know all this. I…… Continue reading Is it ok to hate Autism?

Almost there.

What. A. Night. What a week so far! Christmas is such a hard time for my girl. I want to make it lovely, magical…..perfect. I want it to be something she remembers. Happy memories. Special memories. Every single year as Christmas approaches, behaviours increase, and I remember how hard it is. Not just for me,…… Continue reading Almost there.