Should I tell?

As I watched my child today I wondered if people can tell that she has Autism. I wondered if anyone can tell she is different. Do other people see what I see? Have I made the right decisions for her? To tell people your child is on the Autistic Spectrum or not? Should I have?…… Continue reading Should I tell?

It will be ok.

When all is quiet and I get a moment alone, I think of my girl, how much she has grown, How much has changed, it was harder back then, I cannot believe that she is already ten! The visions I had when she was first diagnosed, How I feared her to be so different to…… Continue reading It will be ok.

Are we ever happy?

Are we ever truly happy? Ever? We had a very bad start to our week with the return to school and meltdowns, but Thursday and Friday were so much better. I should be happy but I just don’t feel it. Finding something positive, achieving happiness……it just makes you want more. Is more ever enough? My…… Continue reading Are we ever happy?

That ‘A’ word.

The ‘A’ Word. That ‘A’ word. Anxious. Afraid. Development not acclerating. Ability, attention, achievement- reduced. Awake all night. Abnormal? Answers needed. Action taken. Assessment, after assessment, after assessment. Analysis. Approaching academics, asking for advice. Answers needed. A diagnosis given. Abbreviations, acronyms….reports. Agigtated. Angry? Adjustment needed. Time to absorb. Acceptance. Approval? Admission…… Announcements. Awareness. Advocacy. The…… Continue reading That ‘A’ word.

My broken heart.

I cannot bear it. I am heartless. I am mean, every morning she hates me. I know I am heartless; because every single morning my heart breaks a bit more. Surely there can’t be any left. Its just an empty shell pulsing blood around my body. The pain of seeing her so hurt. The despair…… Continue reading My broken heart.

Autism around the clock.

Tomorrow sees the return of school, the return of strict routine, the return of massive anxieties, the return of meltdowns, the return of biting; the return of the dark side of Autism. Already my girl has changed back into an anxiety consumed, angry, fustrated, 10 year old. Autism affects every second of our lifes, but…… Continue reading Autism around the clock.