Autism. It is all my fault.

Autism… …..it is all my fault. My baby wasn’t planned. I thought I couldn’t get pregnant. I was Anorexic and Bulimic. I wouldn’t eat for days and then I would binge and vomit. …..it is all my fault. I didn’t eat properly when I was pregnant. I worked 12.5 hour shifts where I was on…… Continue reading Autism. It is all my fault.

Fighting for what we NEED.

To whom it may concern, The fight. Will it ever end? Why do we have to fight for everything? Why does it take so long? It is draining, frustrating, relentless. But we don’t stop fighting. We can’t. We won’t. Special needs parenting is a whole different lifestyle. We haven’t chosen this lifestyle. We didn’t ask…… Continue reading Fighting for what we NEED.

Good night.

I hold her close, Up to my nose, Breathe her in, Feel her warmth on my skin, Hug her tight, Kiss her goodnight, Let the stress of the day, Float away, Read her a story, Whisper I’m sorry, For being demanding, For not understanding, Stroke her head, Settle her in bed, Tell her I love…… Continue reading Good night.

Stop saying that about Autism.

Two things annoy me. Well not annoy me, hurt me. 1) When people describe Autism as a label to cover up a childs’ bad behaviour. 2) When people tell others that thier child has Autism without first having a diagnosis. Both are demeaning and hurtful to those that have been through the diagnostic procedure. Autism…… Continue reading Stop saying that about Autism.

If everything was orange….

If everything was orange, Or everything was green, You’d think the world we live in now Was the strangest thing you’d seen. Imagine it all one colour, Every single thing you see, The leaves, the grass, the houses, the sky, Even you and me. You’d want to have something different, To have shoes or lips…… Continue reading If everything was orange….

Dear the future.

Dear the future. I see you there, lurking. I hear you calling out. I see your shadows following me with every tick of the second hand. I know you are going to get me. I know the future will come. But, future, I am scared. I am terrified of what you will bring to my…… Continue reading Dear the future.

I love you.

Just a little baby, snuggled cosy on my chest, I promised I’d be there for you, to always try my best, To give you all my love, and guide you through the years, To join in with your giggles, and wipe away your tears. You cried and cried and cried and cried and didn’t sleep…… Continue reading I love you.