Covid….

The day I have been dreading arrived.My girl has tested positive for Covid.She is not well at all.Her aches and pains are fuelled by anxiety.Anxiety instilled by me….us. Our whispered conversations, the media, school, tv….it has been everywhere.There has been no escaping the extent of the situation.The case rates, the death toll, the symptoms, the…… Continue reading Covid….

I miss me.

Do you ever feel like you mourn the life you lost when you had a special needs child?I wouldn’t change a thing obviously, my children are my world, but I miss……me. I miss the me I was.I miss the me I could have been. I see my friends move on with their lives.I see them…… Continue reading I miss me.

We did it!

Well done to us all for getting through the school holidays.We did it!I want to congratulate you because I know very few will.Very few will understand how much it has taken to get through these last 6 weeks. I want to praise you for holding yourself together when you felt like your world was falling…… Continue reading We did it!

Almost….anxiety won.

I needed a break.I was so looking forward to my night away.1 whole night of no responsibilities.1 whole night of having no one to care for but myself.So…..What happened? I had a night away.I had a very enjoyable evening.I couldn’t sleep.When I did, I woke up feeling an anxious mess.I tried to pull myself together,…… Continue reading Almost….anxiety won.

Our NHS

We moan about it everyday,”There’s too much waiting,” we all say,”Where’s my appointment? I’ve been missed””I don’t want to be placed on another list,””There are not enough doctors in this place,””They’ve given priority to another case,””A box of tablets, is that all you can do?””Suppose I’ll have to wait in another queue,””Where’s my nurse? I…… Continue reading Our NHS

I can see why people do it.

I should start by saying that I wouldn’t do it.I wouldn’t….couldn’t.But I have thought about it.That I can’t deny. I can see how people do it.I can see how people are driven to do it.I have felt the despair, the angst, the guilt that have made me feel like I can’t go on anymore.I have…… Continue reading I can see why people do it.

Overprotective Mum?

Independance. Whilst in a meeting with a professional today we got talking about independance.At 14, the professional suggested I might give my girl a bit more freedom.I smiled, and thought perhaps she was right.Then my over anxious mind then started asking me questions.Should I be allowing my girl out on her own?Should I be giving…… Continue reading Overprotective Mum?

Autism Awareness week UK.

Today marks the start of Autism Awareness Week.I am passionate about sharing the reality of ‘our autism’, and highlighting just how much of a dark place it can be.There are so many blogs out there about Autism, but very few talk about the dark side that we experience.Very few detail the meltdowns, the violence, the…… Continue reading Autism Awareness week UK.

Me…us.

I was going to write about how hard today has been.How hard the weekend has been.How difficult it has been to cope with my girls behaviour.I started writing it and then realised that it wasn’t as hard for me as it was for her. I probably made things worse.I probably added to each meltdown.I got…… Continue reading Me…us.

Sad

I feel really sad today.Like I just want to start crying and not stop.I can’t cry though. I am numb.My emotions are in turmoil.They contain themselves all day until all is quiet and then they take over my mind.They over analyse and over think, they haunt me into a state of insecurity.I feel sad.Insecure.…..not enough.…… Continue reading Sad